Dear Mom and Dad

Dear Mom and Dad,

I am so glad you are coming to visit me here in Honduras in a few days! We are going to have an amazing trip and I have carefully selected some incredible places to visit. We will be doing lots of driving all over the country and you will be exposed to the poorest of the poor as well as the five-star side of things – so get ready.

Here in this post, I have compiled a few tips for you both to keep in mind while you are here. Many of these things I could have easily told you over the phone, but seriously what fun would that be?

Honduran Etiquette for non-Hondurans

When you greet people on the street (whether you know them or not) a salutation is in order. I usually go with “adios” or “buenas”. Both mean the same thing.  However you could also get away with a grunt and a slight nod.

If you learn the phrases “cheque” and “vaya pues” then you will be halfway to fluent around here.

Other key phrases to learn: Buen provecho – it means bon appétit, and Hondurans say it to each other before they partake in even the smallest snack.

Here in Olancho, and in many other places, men carry guns. They may or may not be loaded, that’s not really important. But don’t act surprised – it’s normal.

A Piropo is essentially a cat-call. Heads up, this will happen. A lot. So, don’t do what my boyfriend does and threaten to confront every single man that yells “hellloooooo baybeeeeee” from three blocks away. You will also become familiar with the tsk-ing sound people here use to get someone’s attention and I’ve found there is a delicate balance between ignoring the piropos and paying attention to your friends/co-workers who actually want your attention.

If it wasn’t soccer, line jumping would be the national sport of Honduras.  Pregnant women and the elderly get a free pass to cut in line whenever they choose- which seems pretty reasonable considering. However don’t be surprised when a dodgy-looking teenager cuts in front of you while waiting to pay a bill somewhere. Actually if anything, he will probably just stand on you until you give way and let him in front you. It’s just the way things work here.

Customer service here isn’t what you are used to. So don’t get foot-stompy when it takes a waitress 40 minutes to notice we’ve arrived. Or if they aren’t currently serving 8 out of 10 things listed on the “menu”

Since we will be renting a car and driving literally cross-country, I feel I need to warn you about that. People drive like maniacs. You earn the right of way by being the car who honks the loudest.  Stop signs are ignored as are stop lights. On the main highways, there are no speed limits. Speed bumps and the occasional wandering cattle are the only slowing force on the roads. The police can (and do) stop cars for no reason at all.

And a few other travel reminders:

Whatever you do, don’t go to the U.S. State Department’s website on safety and security in Honduras. It will only make you worry about minutia that is out of our control.

Don’t over pack. And definitely don’t bring those silly fancy rolling suitcases. Most of the roads around here are all dirt and gravel, rendering those expandable wheeled contraptions useless. If you really want to blend in, pack your stuff in a cardboard box.

Always travel with toilet paper stashed somewhere because few public bathrooms offer it.

The exchange rate  is 18.9 lempiras to the dollar. I think you will be delighted by how far that can stretch sometimes. Fresh fried tilapia and a beer for under $2? You betcha!

I think you will both be surprised by how much America is in Honduras. American fast-food is all over the large cities and lots of English words are used here every day. (Hard drive, cable, sandwich, and shampoo, are among my favorites).  And we will undoubtedly run into other groups of traveling gringos and Hondurans that can speak passable English. However there are so many differences that will probably shock you and surprise you and make you laugh hysterically.

Despite all your concerns, and all the pessimistic things I’ve ever said, this is truly a beautiful country. Hondurans by and large are a genuine and hospitable people who delight in showing off what their land has to offer.

Can’t wait to see you guys soon! Don’t forget to bring me some cheddar cheese!

Oh, and it cost $30 to leave the country.

Love, your daughter

Sarita